First taste of freedom - Prologue

27 Sep 2001: It was the day I was supposed to leave for engg college. I had just turned 18 and going away from home was giving me both thrills and chills.
I had never been away from home for longer than few days. I was a moody, go to hell attitude kid who was sure of herself. In hindsight may be to sure.
Though I never told mom I was scared out of my with that day. What the hell was I going to do in a place i knew nobody? I hated making adjustment. I was short tempered. No one at hostel would tolerate me, I knew that.

We were taking the semi luxury to devrukh. I hadnt even heard of the place before. It was a small village off the national highway in Konkan. I had never even been to Konkan before.

I didnt sleep a wink through the whole journey. Mom was not well. She had an eye infection which made her see dark spots in front of her eyes. Dad was in nepal. Mom came to drop me off to college leaving anoo alone with Aaji.
I remember the first time I saw my college. It was 6:30 am. And the college ground was wet with dew. it was a beautiful sight. And I hated it. There was a small shabily created entrance as the college construction was still underway. The entrance led to a long dusty road which curved towards the college building. Another road darted along the way toward some buildings and a large ground.

The watchman at the gate directed us towards the girls hostel. I looked at the white building which symbolized my home for next four years. I hadn't had a very good look at the college as it was boarded up with boards to support some kind of dome like structure. Truly speaking I was dissapointed. I had expected something resembling a building and all I got was an under construction lot with dilapidated buildings.

We took our rickshaw towards the girls hostel. As we entered I could here sounds of people stirring and going about their chores. Sounds of a tape recorder, water running, some one shouting to someone. I was a bit intimated by the cacophony of sounds. I was not used to noise.

A girl we had been given reference of helped us into her room. We freshened up and got ready to go to the college. Lots of things were waiting for us. We were directed towards the office where we filled out the admission form and completed other formalities. I was assigned a room which already had a senior girl staying there. We were told to go and wait in a room for the SBI people. We had to open a bank account for payment of fees. That was when I realized that all this was true and I was going to stay back alone tonight with no one I knew near me.
The feeling was terrifying. Sitting besides my mom i felt my eyes well up.

And miles to go before i sleep

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake To ask if there's some mistake. The only other sound's the sweep Of easy wind and downy flake. The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.
-Robert Frost

From the top of my head

Dil chahata hai.....

World should not change so often....
its difficult to hold on to the remaining threads..
While you look away you tend to miss something important.
I crave stability sometimes, but still am in love with the dynamics of my life.
balancing the past and the present can be pretty tiring but still i feel that moving ahead without these threads holding you can be very difficult.

Kabhi na beete chamkeele din........

Frustration, helplessness, anger, irritation can be easily controlled if the feelings could just be shared. Its impossible to emagine a scenario when i couldn't talk to my friends and share my thoughts. Its cheezy to say but friends really do anchor you to the truths of life.
Hum na rahen kabhi yaron ke bin.......

Sitting at my system i can't think of a topic to write about. There was a time when i just picked up a pen and wrote out lines as if they were just buffered in the pen. Words flew on the paper.
The present context simply adheres me to conversational thinking. brain has forgotten what it is to go on a rampage of wild thoughts. till a couple of ears back i wrote and wrote till the pen went dry or my eyes pleaded for sleep, but now even to get a single thought running in my brain i have to channel my mind. The whole point of free thinking or random thoughts has gone astray.